Sitting In A Tree
by Bloodsong
Summary: Or, what happens to me when I get really cold. Insanity ensues. Trad pairings, sort of. One shot, complete.


A/N: Ok, this is partially inspired by a cold day in late April and also by a sudden memory of YunCyn's GetBacker classic of the same name and general formula. Go! Read it! I LOVED it, laughed until my sides hurt. Then, two days ago, the song flitted into my head along with my favorite wanderer's dazed expression and I thought "Ooo! FUN!" So, here it is. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or this song. Gods help the world if I did.

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Raccoon and Wolf

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Kaoru and Saito, sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-

"HENTAI!"

_singer is bludgeoned by a fuming Tanuki, while Saito shakes his head and lights a cigarette_

Kenshin: "But Saito's MARRIED!"

Everyone else: "You're MARRIED?"

_Saito takes a long drag and glares._

Raccoon and Hiten Master

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Kaoru and Hiko, sitting in a tree

"Isn't she a little young for me?"

"HENTAI!"

_singer is knocked halfway across the dojo_

Kenshin: "Shisho! You wouldn't!"

Hiko: "I wouldn't what, baka deshi?" sip

_Kenshin mutters to himself._

Raccoon and Ice-Man

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Kaoru and Aoshi sitting in a tree.

K-I-S-S-AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

_singer is chased around dojo by Kaoru AND Misao, both screaming for blood. In another room, Aoshi's hand twitches._

Kenshin: now with narrow, bluer eyes "Aoshi? Surely not. He's so cold."

Raccoon and Rooster

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_singer is shoved aside by a certain apprentice, who grins evilly_

Busu and Sano sitting in a tree.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Sano: "Why, Jo-chan, you naughty thingz!"

Kaoru: "Yahiko! 500 strokes!"

Yahiko: "Awwww."

Kaoru: "And as for you..."

_Sano goes flying halfway across the dojo._

Kenshin: _Eyes markedly yellow_ "Sano? Sano is closer to her age-wise, but he's such a slacker..."

Sano: _rubbing head_ "Hey!"

Raccoon and Hitokiri

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Kaoru and Battousai sitting in a tree.

_Kenshin disappears_

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

_Kaoru disappears_

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Battou...hey, where are they?

_A familiar indigo ribbon drops out of the sky and lands on the singer's nose. Singer looks up at a nearby tree._

Oh.

_scoots away_

Fox and Wolf

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Megumi and Saito sitting in a tree.

Megumi: "Are you really married?"

Saito: "Yes, I'm really married."

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Megumi: "To a woman?"

Saito: _sighs_ "Yes, to a woman."

First comes love

Megumi: "Tell me about her!"

Saito: "Why?"

Then comes marriage.

Megumi: "Because I have to know what kind of woman marries a man like you."

_Saito sighs again, lights another cigarette. Singer throws up hands in disgust._

Fox and Hiten Master

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Megumi and Hiko sitting in a tree.

Hiko: "How old are you, Megumi-san?"

Megumi: hiding mouth with sleeve "Now, Hiko-san, you know you should never ask a woman her age. OHOHOHOHO!"

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Hiko: "Hey, Singer! How old is she?"

Umm. Dunno. Mid 20s, I think.

_Singer is slapped upside the head by Megumi_

Hiko: "Still too young."

Oh I dunno. I'm 12 years younger then my husband.

_Everyone except Hiko and Saito facefault._

Fox and Ice-Man

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Megumi and Aoshi sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-Urk!

_Singer is treated by Megumi for kunai wounds to the throat. Aoshi's other hand twitches._

Fox and Rooster

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Megumi and Sano sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

_Sano grabs Megumi, kisses her hard on the mouth and struts off, smirking. Megumi rubs her mouth with her hand._

Megumi: "Why couldn't you have paired me with Ken-san?"

_singer looks at the tree, which is now sporting a patch of pink foliage_

I think he's busy.

Weasel and Wolf

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Misao and Saito sitting in a tree

_schiiink_

Mou! I was kidding!

_singer hides behind Hiko. Saito sheathes his katana._

Weasel and Hiten Master

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Misao and Hiko sitting in a tree

K-I-S-uhn

_singer is knocked unconscious by an empty sake jug_

Hiko: "That one's really too young for me!"

Weasel and Oni

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Misao and Han'nya sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

_singer is chased around dojo by Misao and three very unhappy spirits._

Misao: "Han'nya's DEAD!"

Hiko: "Really, singer. That's perverse, even for you."

Weasel and Rooster

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_singer once again shoved aside by Yahiko_

Misao and Sano sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love,

Then comes AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

_Yahiko is driven into the floor of the dojo, courtesy of Misao and Sano double-team strike_

Weasel and Ice-man

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Misao and Aoshi sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love,

Then comes

Misao: "Aoshi-sama!"

Huh?

_singer watches bemusedly as Aoshi storms out, grabs Misou's wrist and drags her inside._

Wolf and Bhudda

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Saito and Tokio sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love,

Then comes marriage

Then comes Saito with the baby carriage!

_singer beams at finally finishing the song. Saito huffs and walks away_

Saito: _over shoulder_ "It was marriage first."

_Singer huffs, plops down next to Hiko and helps herself to his sake._

So, how long do you think they'll be up there?

_gestures to tree, now sporting yellow next to the pink_

Hiko: "Knowing my baka deshi? Could be hours."

Hmm. So, Hiko-sama. IS there any woman you're interested in?


End file.
